Monday, January 30, 2017

How to Win Friend and Influence People



By Dale Carnegie

Originally written in 1937, this book explains how to converse with people without losing control of your ego.  We tend to lash out lose our temper when people don’t do what we want. Instead, Dale Carnegie explains how you can use techniques to appeal to another person’s ego, self-esteem, and use active listening to establish rapport with others.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats other men.”

Human beings are creatures of emotion rather than logic. When dealing with people, it is important to use understanding and forgiveness rather than criticism.
When people would criticize the south during the civil war, Abraham Lincoln would respond by saying, “Don’t criticize them, they are what we would be under similar circumstances.”
It is much more beneficial to work on improving yourself before you try and improve others. Try to understand people before you condemn them. Attempt to figure out why they do the things that they do.


Another great way to influence someone is by appealing to their need to feel important. By showing genuine appreciation for others can cause you to be a miracle for them.
Charles Schwab said, “There is nothing that kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I believe in giving incentive to work. I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault.

Ways to Make People Like You

If you want to know how to make people laugh at you behind your back, never listen to anyone and talk incessantly about yourself.”

Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves. By talking about the other person’s interest, you can establish rapport with them. You are making them feel important. When you genuinely listen to others, they subconsciously pick up on the fact that you are fully present and dialed in to their conversation.

Use the other person’s name. It’s a small action, but their name is the sweetest sound in any language to them. Napoleon Bonaparte claimed that he could remember the name of any person he ever met. He did this by repeating the person’s name several times during a conversation. For some people of importance, he would write their name down after they had left and memorized it.

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

“An argument end with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.”

Even if you win an argument, you have truly lost because you are now an enemy of that person. Carnegie explains the power in phrases like, “I may be wrong, but let’s examine the facts.” When you say that you may be wrong, people see you as humble and will drop their defensive mindset. Purposefully hurting someone’s ego will only make them feel aggressive towards you.
Sometimes, people just want to feel important. When you admit that you are wrong (whether you are or not) the other person has run out of ammunition to use against you. You have nourished their self-esteem.

“By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

How to Change People without Giving Offense

“Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.”

Charles Schwab once saw some of his employees smoking underneath the “No Smoking” sign. Instead of lashing out, he said, “I’ll appreciate it boys if you will smoke outside.”
There is great power in calling attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Another technique is to admit that you yourself needs to change as well as others. You can praise people while subtly suggesting that improvements can be made.

Ask questions instead of screaming out orders is an effective approach because it makes people feel as though they are a part of the solution. Questions like, “Can anyone think of different ways to do this,” show people that you have confidence in them. That way, you won’t damage their ego.

“If you come at me with your fists doubled, I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and say ‘Let us sit down and take counsel together,’ we will find that we are not so far apart after all.”

-Woodrow Wilson


-R. Schulz

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Keys to Mastery

Based on:

Mastery
By Robert Greene



Discover Your Calling

 “You have a destiny to fulfill. The stronger you feel and maintain it, the greater you chance for fulfilling this Life’s Task.”

The word vocation means "called" in Latin. The most successful people in the world simply trusted in themselves. The did not listen to friends or family members who told them to exist in mediocrity.
You cannot find your calling unless you are in a field that you truly love. 

Avoid a path that attracts you for the wrong reasons like fame and fortune. Do not seek that path because you desire attention. People give up because they are impatient. Be willing to put in five or ten years’ worth of work.

Focus on developing the task at hand. Trying to be a master in the early stages of your training will cause pain and frustration. Instead, be the best at your current stage. Take pride in the effort that you put in and know that people who seem “naturally gifted” usually lack diligence. That will eventually come back to bite them.

Submit to Reality

“Transform yourself from someone who is impatient and scattered into someone who is disciplined and focused that can handle complexity.”

Most people in the United States are extremely soft. We shy away from challenges and things that will toughen us and improve us. When we receive criticism, we get offended instead of learning from feedback.

Sometimes, when people are new to a training environment, they try to impress people and get attention. Instead, study the culture that you are in and remember that you are not there to change it. Be willing to put aside your ego and look at the bigger picture rather than dwelling on feelings. Focus your mind.

Absorb the Master’s Power

“The reason you require a mentor is simple. Life is short; you have only so much time and so much energy to expand. Your most creative years are in your late twenties and on into your forties.”

Humans have a unique power due to mirror neurons. These are what cause us to imitate each other. This is also why learning as an apprentice is such a powerful way to learn a skill. Yet, there can also be a tendency to rely too heavily on the master for guidance. 

Know when it’s time to move on. Again, see criticism as a teaching tool to help yourself constantly improve. If your ego overpowers your thinking, you will Not learn. 

See People as They Are

“To get upset or try to alter people is futile, it will only make them bitter and resentful. Better to accept such people as one accepts the thorns on a rose.”

Our ancient ancestors learned to use their mirror neurons to imagine what others were thinking. They used empathy to sense others’ feelings. We learn to deceive and manipulate each other and end up projecting our own feelings on them and demonize them.

Learn to develop a keen sense of human nature. Begin to attune himself to the energies of people. Think less of yourself and focus on how those people saw the world. Focus your attention on what people do rather than what they say. Put yourself in their shoes and you may begin to understand their perception of the world.

Awaken the Dimensional Mind

The dimensional mind is active, transforming everything it digests into something new and original, creating instead of consuming.”

We get comfortable with what is normal and familiar, but this makes our minds weak. When someone breaks free of this conventional pattern of mediocrity, we think that they are lucky or that they are some freak of nature. However, a musical genius like Mozart had a nothing more than a deep love for music. While practicing was a chore to most, it was an opportunity for him to do what he loved.

A deep-rooted interest can appear as a gift. At least that is what we tell ourselves to rationalize someone else's success. A deep interest creates an iron will able to withstand setbacks and criticism. Most people find work just for the money, but true masters like Mozart do what they love and then the money finds its way to them.

Fuse the Intuitive with the Rational

A high level of intuition is the ultimate sign of mastery. It involves a process that is qualitatively different from rationality, but is even more accurate and perceptive.”

Being dedicated to your art will help kill your fear of failure. You will see setbacks and failures as tools to propel you toward success. True success comes to those who fail more than anyone else. When people point, and call you weird, remember that being normal never gave anyone wealth or success.

Let your weaknesses become your allies. You have a destiny and the things you are insecure about are what make you unique. Failures make you strong and trials are seeds that will develop your inner strength. Every great man or woman had to fail first. They had to be mocked and told that they would never amount to anything. If you have ever dealt with that, you can take that as a sign that you are destined for greatness.

“Only some inner drive can help us overcome obstacles, prepare a path and lift us out of the narrow circle in which others tread out their miserable existence.”


-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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-R. Schulz

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Do Less Achieve More








Based On:

Do Less Achieve More

By Chin-Ning Chu



 Fine Tune Your Actions
“Fine-tuning your understanding of what you are willing to give up in order to get what you really want.”

Be willing to give up something in order to get what you truly desire. Will you drop your ego to face criticism? Can you leave your secure job to do what you really want? That’s the difference between the average person and those who are truly successful.  
Trying to control things is like opening the lid of boiling water instead of letting it boil. The more desperately you try to clutch something, the more likely you will lose it. Neediness and trying to control people and things usually kills business deals and even relationships. Be willing to let go of the things that you fear to lose.
Allow yourself to have a definiteness of purpose. Work as if you are charging ahead to get the job done. That cannot be done if you are working a job that you hate. Find the thing that gives you a feeling of purpose. Value excellence by being punctual, true to your word, and by accomplishing the task at hand.

Put Your Mind at Ease
“Every disappointment, every failure, is guiding you in silence to your intended destiny.”

The next time you feel tempted to be jealous of others, remember that they have their own challenges that may be even more difficult than yours. Think of problems as opportunities that life is giving you to show off your problem-solving skills.
True excellence comes when you feel calm and peace. Instead of worrying about the outcome of a process, find the calm within yourself to work with clarity and focus. The more you fear, the more mistakes you will make. Instead, focus on the task, remain in the present moment, and be willing to accept any circumstance. To do this, you must fight against the fear of failure.

Discover Divine Power

“Do not blindly react to a situation, this will rob you of your sense of power and jeopardize your good judgement.”
Instead of reacting to situations, learn restful control. Continuously reacting to things is emotional draining. Think of stressing as if you were draining your bank account. Instead, make deposits full of positive energy.
Remain in the present. By worrying about the future and dwelling on the past, you are destined for misery. Being able to empty your mind through meditation is a tremendous way to free yourself from anxiety. Whatever you do, be present in the moment. That is all that meditation is.

“Train yourself to let go of all that you fear to lose.”
-Yoda



-R. Schulz

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Breaking Free from Negative Thinking


















Based On:

The Four Agreements

by Don Miguel Ruiz




The four agreements are the four ways to break the negative thinking that society has put into our sub-conscious minds. Ruiz calls the negative thinking the Judge and Victim. They Judge and Victim are like parasites that feed us fear and in return we agree with them allowing setbacks, fears, and failures from the past dominate and our thinking. The four agreements replace the lies that the Judge and Victim give us.



First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word



“Use the word to share your love. Tell yourself how wonderful you are, how great you are.”



The things that we believe about ourselves become real only it we agree with them. Your words have the power to turn a belief into an agreement. We must develop self-love and use our words to build ourselves and each other up.



Recognize the words of others as nothing more than their opinions. People see the world based on their point of view. Accepting their opinion becomes an agreement. That’s the danger of gossip. We gossip because it makes us feel good to see others feel as miserable as we are. Gossip distorts our views because we now see people based on the opinions of others.



Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally

Taking things personally is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about ‘me’.”

Taking things personally is why we feel offended. Our minds make a big deal out of something small. Be aware that someone’s opinion is based off of their perception of the world. Ruiz compares one’s perception of the world to their personal movie. Perception is NOT reality, it is your personal illusion. It’s a distorted view of reality.

We are so devoted of our misery that we reinforce each other’s suffering. We lie to each other and we lie to ourselves and put on social masks so that people won’t see our imperfections. Instead, be yourself from the depths of your heart. When someone sends their emotional poison to you, you can reject it by not taking it personally.

Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions

“It is always better to ask questions than to make an assumption, because assumptions set us up for suffering.”

For some reason, we assume that others can read our minds, but then we get mad at them when they don’t do what we want them to. We assume that everyone sees life the same way that we see it and then we fear being around others because we think they will judge us the way we judge ourselves.

Instead of trying to understand each other, we try to change them to our way of thinking. When we quit making assumptions, we are free to communicate and are no longer concerned with pleasing others.



Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best

“Doing your best is taking action because you love it, not because you expect a reward”

You know you are doing your best when you enjoy doing the work. Working at a job that you hate is a great way to be miserable, but taking action is the way to achieve goals. The fear of failure stops us, but if you keep trying and keep failing, success will naturally come.

Live in the present. You cannot do your best if you dwell on the past or worry about the future. Love yourself enough to where you can do something you enjoy. We settle for activities and jobs in order to please others. How can you do your best at something that you hate?



Conclusion

Be yourself and love yourself. That is so important because society pressures us to please others and fit in with small minded people. We try to fit in with everyone else by doing things we don’t want to. We are sick and don’t know it. Negative emotions are the parasites, but we are so used to them that we accept them and feed them. Fight these parasites by loving yourself 100 percent.



-R. Schulz